Six ideas for wise men parade

Let me tell you something about Spain that you might ignore. Although the American influence was already pushing us to celebrate Santa Claus (“Papá Noel” here, which is taken from French) when I was a kid (late 90s and early 00s), in Spain, the big celebration was the Three Wise Men (here, the “Tres reyes magos”). They arrived 6 days after Jesus was born to bring him presents. While I do absolutely ignore their kingdoms and backstories (if there is any), an aspect that I like about them is how they make the story more self-consistent—it is hard for people from other cultures to understand that Santa and the Jesus birth are not directly related stories.

Apart from getting our presents that day, we celebrate a huge parade the night before which we call “cabalgata”. Big trucks carry the beautiful carriages (“carrozas”), from where kids throw sweets at the people around, and at the very end, you can see the three wise men. This year, I attended for the first time the cabalgata downtown, as until now I had preferred to attend the local cabalgata in my old neighborhood. We could see how big companies such as Repsol or Amazon washed their image with some amazing “carrozas”, and we could also see some carrozas with amazing complexity (e.g. the huge mechanical elephant that closed the cabalgata). Apart from being hit in the eye with a pretty solid sweet—note: hide from the firefighters in the next cabalgata—I had a few ideas for alternative reyes magos parades that nobody asked for but which I will write down here.

1. Airborne parade. A big problem is always that the people that are most interested in the reyes magos are the shortest people (kids). Some parents try to solve this issue by bringing stairways, which I find a bit infuriating—the kids behind cannot see anything because yours can. Therefore, I think that we could take some drones, big choppers and zeppelins to make the whole parade airborne, so everyone can see it from everywhere. Apart from the elevated chances of cascade crashing, I guess that kids and adults should wear helmets to hide from high-speed sweets.
2. Cruciferous parade. The parade consists of giving sugar to the youngest members of our society, which is a problem considering the metabolic disorders of our time. Therefore, we could replace the sweets by throwing members of the cruciferous family, such as broccoli, Brussels sprouts and the absolute superfood, kale.
3. Mad Max parade. The parade is pretty long, and despite climate change making winters softer in Madrid every year, this year was very, very cold. Therefore, I think that the organizers could try to give a prize to the carroza arriving first. Because carrozas are brought by truck, I guess this could give rise to a race condition between trucks full of people aboard, which would remind us all of one of the latest Mad Max movies. Parents might find dangerous to have trucks running at 90km/h, but little boys love trucks and their noises.
4. Artillery parade. An issue that we all suffer is that you have to cram too close to the road to gather any sweets, because after all, it is kids throwing sweets. But what if we helped those kids? For instance, we could use compressed air cannons to throw sweets. This would allow people to distance themselves more from the cabalgata, so more people could see it—though it could be bad for those with visual impairments, and it would also require attending the cabalgata with a helmet.
5. FACS parade. The replacement of the Eurofighter is supposed to arrive in the 40s decade, and to feature swarm capabilities, so each fighter can also direct drones. While the goal of this aircraft is to carry death and destruction, it could be featured as part of the cabalgata, in case that Europe becomes fully militarized. Drones and fighters could make a low flight, throwing sweets on their way. Apart from the possibility of crashes and the damage produced by high-speed sweet impacts, parents would be encouraged to bring their kids with noise protection.
6. Water parade. The Paseo de la Castellana could be flooded for the celebration of the reyes magos, so we replace the trucks with boats. If people have to float to be able to see the parade, parents will not be able to bring their stairs. However, it would be better to shift the date of the parade to the middle of the summer, where 40ºC temperatures make floating on water more desirable than in January.

And these are my ideas to renovate the Reyes Magos parade. You are welcome!